Day II

Hello cupcakes so the past few days have been busy but today's pretty open and the boy is just sleeping away in ma bed and i'm rotting on my sofa so day 2, let's go.

Okay so for day 02, " Where you'd like to be in 10 years." okay so i am not so much sure of if they mean this literally, like which country or what situation, but i'm guessing it's more of how i want my life to be like 10 years from now?

If you've known me since i was a lil kid, you'd know that i've always wanted to be a doctor. I think part of me secretly still does. It would range from being like just a General practitioner to like a Veterinarian and sometimes even to a full blown general surgeon cutting people up and shit. What happened? Life. So as you grow up, you learn things, about yourself and about how fucked up the universe works.

So in hopes of pursuing that path i was hell bent and driven to get into this course in SP, Biomedical, cos i did research and all of which i found out i'd eventually get to practise along the lines of cardiology. In early sec 3 i discovered my unexplainable passion and how intrigued i was by the studies of the heart, thus the want to study cardiology. Early this year, i was given a chance to actually do even better, i was given the chance to go to JC and like maybe actually get to be a doctor, not some cardio-thoracic lab tech & yeah, i took a leap of faith.

Basically, i learned that despite my passion to be a doctor i'm obv not cut out, like yeah i rocked my my bio teachers world in JC but *reality check* you don't just need bio to be a doctor. You need chem, math and generally a fucking good A'level score and from where i stood with my 1 A and 4 S & Us, i was slapped back into the reality that it's all just one other thing i want but can never have.

BUT that's okay, i mean you can never have all that you want in life no? I was pretty convinced that my life was over, like meaningless. Y'know that feeling when you lose the one thing you've been so sure of. Like you lose yourself. But thanks to the people around me, i realised that i have potential in several other things. Like for one, i enjoy dancing, and no i do not intend to pursue that but it is just proof that you are not defined or meant to just be one thing in life and that if you can't be that, that you've lost all meaning or purpose in life. We all have a purpose, if you don't fulfil the purpose you thought you were suppose to fulfil, it probably isn't your purpose anyway. SO if you think you've lost it, you haven't, you just haven't found your purpose yet.

Back to actually answering the question, Yes i have found something i am passionate about besides dancing and being a doctor. I have my true calling; to be a couch potato and to potato my life away. HAHAHA no i kid (but seriously, idea) Okay, jokes aside. I have found it. i hope this is the one. Cos like i'm 17 and in 4 months i'll be going down a completely diff path from the one i chose just 9 months ago.

I have realised, (note i say realise, cos this has been here since forever i just didn't quite see it) that THIS is what i want. Like literally T H I S . Writing. Like i've always enjoyed blogging, be it about my life or about things i wish were talked about more. & no before you start going all whooooot, no i do not aspire to be a blogger. like no, that's only for prettyskinnygirls obv not something i am, so no, i do not want to be some famous blogger. I want to be a journalist or a RadioDJ, anything that enables me to reach out. Like i have so much to say and so much to talk about and i've realised how writing and just conveying stuff i wanna put out to others makes me feel as a person. It makes me feel better, useful. like when people actually read my blog and they tell me they like how i write you don't get how that kind of satisfaction feels. People think the readers benefit from reading, but sometimes people need to realise writers write for a reason, it usually has to do with personal experiences and how they need the closure, so they write. It's like lifting a weight of your shoulders for the rest of the world to shoulder it with you.

For now, that's pretty much all i'm sure i want in 10 years. As cliché as it may sound, i guess i just want to be happy, so whatever my definition of 'happy' is in 10 years, i hope that that will be how i'll be living my life.

Loves,

x

30-Day Challenge. Here we go.

Hello cupcakes okay soooo, it's been awhile. I've not exactly kept my promise of blogging more often, in fact i've not blogged for about 2 months. (maybe more) i've been really busy(mostly lazy) idk it's like life's pretty meh, it's just work and outing & home and sleep & shit. i just find no motivation to blog y'know. Ironic how i'm blogging at work now. Figured it's a better use of time plus i revamped my blog, kinda toned down the bold background and all. Simplicity is key no?

Anyhu, I've decided to do a 30-day blogging challenge to like motivate myself to actually blog. It's like already day 4 so insignificant much? BUT NO. I'll just start from day 1 but i get to cut off like 3 post i don't wanna do cos there're after all 30 days in december. Disclaimer though, i may not get to do(or want to do) all the posts cos i might be busy (or have nothing to talk about for that particular post) I will try my best to do all though, no promises.

Okay so basically there are gajillion of these 30-day blogging challenges out there. But this is the one i've decided to do.

So Day 1. Should be pretty simple. LETSGO.

Day 01- Your Current Relationship.

Awww, well i sorta have a love hate relationship with this question. Mostly cos i would love to tell the world how my relationship is yet i'm not exactly the kind who broadcasts this stuff to people i don't know anymore. (mostly the reason why i haven't been blogging) Okay follow me, like y'know if you tell the universe about your relationship and somehow something happens(god forbid) You'd have to face all the sympathy and all the "aww cheer up it'll be okay" From everybody and personally hate being sympathised. like i could totally do empathy, but no, i don't like it when people pity or sympathise me. So yeah perks of not telling the whole world about your relationship. And also if you were close enough to me for me to want you to know, you'd probably already know cos you'd be following my instagram or my twitter, and trust me, if you followed either, YOU'D KNOW.

Okay back to actually answering the question though, My current relationship? It's pretty darn good. Like okay, let's all agree that relationships are never perfect. There will most definitely be lil bickers or quarrels and defo those legit fucked up arguments & all. But, ultimately what defines the strength of a relationship is the willingness of both parties in putting in the effort to try & make it work. Yes, relationships are alotta work and what scares me most is not knowing how it'll all turn out or whether all the effort's gonna be worth it. But in the end, you have to ask yourself if that fear is worth risking your entire relationship and more importantly, if it's worth the risk of losing that person. Obviously i am scared shitless but i realised how i do not, for the life of me, want to lose him. So yeah, i am more than willing to put int he effort needed and i've also learned to deal with the fear. He's worth it.

Okay, queue the sunshine & butterflies. Haha, yes it's been a pretty amazing relationship. It's kinda crazy how happy he makes me. Like after all those stupid failed relationshits and guys who have left, you kinda just don't expect to meet someone like that anymore. But i guess i must've done something right to have god bless me with him. He looks like the kinda guy girls would automatically deem a jerk(i did too lol) but then what really got to me was how unexpectedly different he was from what i thought he would be. Like don't get me wrong i was not judging him, i just have a thing for reading people and how their personalities and character usually turn out to be. But with him, i was sooo wrong. He is such a dork sometimes it's fucking retarded but so adorably cute. Like who suggests to play a chubby bunny challenge on like the 3rd date like whot even. (we played it anyway. in public. yes.) He has a really eclectic taste in music yet i love so many of the songs he lets me listen to. He also thinks he can sing really well so he decides to sing to me ever so often, it's horrible but i love it. He is also really funny like he can be really lame sometimes but for the most part he just makes me laugh like some mad-drink hyena. He is also really good with words(though he thinks he isn't) And when he says stuff, it's different cos you just feel it, like you know he means it. He also has the temper of a pampered 5 y/o, but he's such a sweetheart you just can't stay mad at him. 

It's obviously too soon to tell or to say that he is the one, but i can safely say that i don't ever wanna lose him. We just work, like i can tell him anything, i can confide in him and i can also trust him(which is a lot cos i have serious trust issues)

The list goes on but if i tell you every single thing i love about him, you'd fall in love with him too and i really don't want that sooooo.

That's about it for Day 01.

XXIV.X

Loves & kisses.

x