#np The Hardest Thing-Tyler Ward
Hello Cupcakes. again it's like 1 & i'm only posting now. gosh i'm dead beat from work but i miss blogging soooo here goes.
This is gonna a mashup like a rant & semi-update post.
UNCERTAINTY.
So i know sometimes people say 'ignorance is bliss', which just means it's better not to know. Cos sometimes knowing could hurt you or could bestow some big-ass responsibility on you, either way it isnt good to know. But sometimes i things it's the not know that makes things a lot worse. Okay i might sound a bit crazy but lemme just say it in context.
Well to be honest, the kinda uncertainty that i feel is the most feared is the uncertainty in relationships. whether or not it's gonna work out, whether you're gonna just be friends or more, whether he/she is gonna leave or stay. These are the uncertainties in my life that i fear most. Cos sometimes i feel it's the uncertainty that keeps us from wanting to invest in a relationship. It keeps us from wanting to venture into it in fear of, of course, a negative result.
Sooo basically i'll be my usual open book self & just say, i used to(or might actually still) love this guy & i didn't know till i lost him. At first it was like i didn't think i'd actually fall for that idiot. he was sorta a jerk. But like all cliché stories i did eventually see his good side & fell hard. But it was the uncertainty of whether or not he liked me back & whether or not we would ever be more than just friends, that kept me form telling him or even showing it. until eventually, he left. People tell me it's cos i didn't make it clear to him that i felt the same way, people say i was in denial of my feelings for him. & Now, 5 months after he left, i still blame myself & hold this everlasting regret in my heart for holding back, for not coming out & tell him honestly how i felt. Cos maybe yano, MAYBE if i had said something about it, he wouldn't have left.
So, now 5 months later, i still think about him & maybe even still feel the same way, but yano life's gotta move on. & i gotta admit, i'm still scared as shit to let myself feel the same way for another guy, but in life there are so many things one can control & let's be honest & agree that feelings are definitely NOT one of them.
I know how it feels to love someone so much it hurts cos you can't do anything about the fact that they've left & forgotten about it. & that it is natural cos it happens to so many people & you can;t control how people feel about you. BUT what kills me the most is that i could've done something about it & i didn't. it's the regret of failing to do something that could've prevented this heartache i'm feeling rn. i could've made him stay. But what kept me from trying? from giving my all? the fucking uncertainty. yeah that bitch of a feeling.
Okay so personal reference aside, what i really wanna say is, don't let the fear of loosing the game keep you from playing it. i mean, life's a gamble, all ya gotta do is be wise at how much you bet & what you bet on. & if it gets fucked up(like it does for everyone) don't give up, stand up & fucking try again, & even harder. Cos eventually you'll get something right, trust me.
If ya didn't get what that previous paragraph full of chim-ish phrases & metaphors, just YOLO it okay. i mena ya gotta know what yolo means right. Yeah. I have these 2 saying i always keep in mind,
1. Carpe Diem.
2. Keep your head high & your middle finger higher.
So if you read this & you're going through the same kind of uncertainty & you can relate to the uncertainty i'm talking about(i request the highest of fives cos sista i feel ya) go do something about it. like really, it doesn't have to be some drastic big move, it can be as simple as adding a emoticon to a text or even as bold as asking the person out. cos it's true, we only live one & lightning doesn't ever strike the same place twice i mean it.
Don't let the fear leave you in regret. cos i know how the regret feels & it's killing me.
I would do anything to go back 5 months ago & just tell him how i felt. & tell him to stay. & tell him that there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think of him. yeah.
Okay, emotional post but yeah most of my posts are somewhat along the lines of personal experiences cos i feel only when you've experienced it yourself that you have the right to address a situation & also address it with full disclosure.
Soooooo. remember.
Yup, alright. Now i'm gonna go start on my update post, but it's gonna similar to the previous one where i simply captioned pictures cos omg i'm so tired & i have work tomorrow. So here goes..
First day of work. Spent my break with my babe Avril.
Yeah bijs my package arrived. FINALEH. loveeeee it.
My lunch before work. yumz.
Poor cotton wants some toooo.
Award ceremony photos.
With Charmain.
With Joey.
With Bernice.
ANother blur shot with charmain.
I'm legit shocked & really happy:')
Headed out after the ceremony.
Hello. heh.
OHHHH this is the bombdotcom. he intro-ed me this & we drank like 4 bottles while chatting & smoking.
My last present. For my Bestfriend. &&& He got me a small sling bag from italy. omg.
Awesome as shiz thai food form MAI THAI @ Holland.
I love my parents.
Sexy red ruby desert.
Got these after dinner. The natural vital colour hair mask is awesomeeeeee.
last instapicture before 2012 ended.
OKAY, COUNTDOWN/NYE PICS.
Whuttup i'm calling charmain cos we were all ready for countdown & she was no where to be found.
Hello sexy New Years Nails.
With Lynette & Jasmine.
Crazy-ass crowd at holland.
Yes, i danced on a table with some guys(some really cute guys) NYE, yolo bodoh.
group shot! (lol at that crazy girl behind who photobomb-ed us)
Met these two lovely girls & we kinda just made friends. aww haha!
Last shot before we left.
First picture of 2013 yosh. Worked at bugis+ outlet that day.
Some mochi my parents got at bugis+. They came to bugis to get some stuff & help sign for my bras & we went home together.
No shame. lol cos like half the human population wears these( in some point in their life haha). look at the pretty colours.
Yaye i finally tried udders cos i went thompson to meet jona & boom i just saw udders & i was like OMG I WANNA TRY. so yeah made him share one with me haha!
AHHH my LOVER tee that harry styles has! My bij Jasmine got me for christmas. I LOVE IT & LOVE HER.
Went crazy shopping with jasmine on thursday cos it was my off day & sh eonly starts work at 4. had yoshi for lunch!
&& bought some stuff too! mostly work attire & also some accessories
ALL BLACK FOR WORK BIJS.
Pretty accessories from Lovisa.
YUM Had twister fries at macs IMM with Avril!
HAHAHA fun at work. Photo credits to Chanel. She's one cray cray babe. & she keeps making me spend on bras, it's not healthy mygod.
This was today after work. went home with the lovely babes from la senza zoe & nurul.
Ending this post off with a kiss. Heh loves from me to you. May 2013 be fucking awesome for us all. Love you!
x
