I wonder if
Anything will make me
Feel again
Because
Right now,
The only thing I can feel
Is
So
Tired

one in a million

You know how you just feel like you're doing so much yet you're getting nowhere.
like you think you have some purpose in life, like you feel as if you exist for some reason.
Like you will one day have a story to tell.
You have all these dreams and goals that you think can one day come true;
that you can one day make a reality.
You build your hopes so high because you base them off success stories and sugar coated lies.
People tell you to push on; that it'll be worth it.
They leave out how they have equal or even more doubt in it happening for themselves, let alone in you.
And in that web of blind encouragement and false motivation,
you find it in you to believe you can do it.
You think you can be like them.
The success story.
The one who works hard and at the end of the day has it all.
Not knowing or realizing that that success story is one in a million. literally.
Or there is also the possibility that you don't think so.
That you know and you realize that one can not have it all.
You could just want one thing. You could just want to be happy. Or at least with yourself.
With how you see yourself, with what you see in yourself.
To feel that at the very least you are worthy of your own skin.
But that, my dear is almost that of one in a million.

Human

Hello dearies. I swear i was gonna do a proper post like update post, but it's been a really nyeh day and honestly sometimes all a girl needs to do is to let out. if you don't feel like reading on honestly just come back another time ya?

So do you ever just feel really unmotivated, like don't get me wrong, being motivated and feeling motivated, to me, are actually pretty different. Like i am motivated af to study hard and get my ass shipped to UK already, but there are just days that you just sit there and think, what if i do all this, push myself so much and put in so much effort, all for nothing?

Like don't you ever just wonder how things are gonna turn out for you. Do you ever just suddenly realise that you're 2 years short of hitting the big 2s and you still feel like a kid? Like you don't have a direction in life yet, Like you think you know what you're doing and you're doing it right.

Then suddenly you hit a wall and realise, No, you don't know what you're doing and everything you've been doing is in fact, not right? I don't know, i'm not saying i feel like i've lost my way, I'm not quite that gone yet. But lately i've just felt as if everything i've done has been for nothing.

You know when you have assignments or shit that you should have put in time and effort to study for, but didn't bother to but end up getting satisfactory of surprisingly good grades? Well kudos to you if you have but honestly that has never happened to me. I either get grades i really deserve, or in most cases, i put in shit loads of time and effort and honestly expect to do a lot better, but ultimately get less-than-satisfactory and i'm quite sick of it.

I know it's stupid to complain about not getting the grades you thought you deserved and to get my ass off and do something about it, but what do you do when you alr did get your ass off and did try to do something about it. What do you do then?

People say to "fall 7 times and get up 8." What if sometimes you're just really tired and don't know how to find it in you to get up that 8th time. What if that final setback buried your self-confidence so deep it's almost as if it was never there. Most times you get up but what if that one time you're just too tired to.

I'm legit sorry if you had to read that and thank you for bothering to sit through that entire rant, i promise i'll do a proper one soon yes.

I also wanna just say that i actually know a lot of people who feel this ways and sometimes it's nice to know you aren't alone, so to whomever is reading this and feels the same, please know that you're not alone in this. It is natural to feel what you feel and please don't ever blame yourself for it.

I mean we're only human. 

-CelesteLTx

Hols more like balls.

Hello! Sooo, since the last post(the one before nic’s birthday post) I’ve been trying to keep myself busy while nic was away, making plans and going out and catching up with friends (no hahha I kid, I was really just lying in bed all day wrapped in my burrito of sadness cos I missed nic like cray) but thank god for football and world cup. Kept me sane and looking forward to life for the entire week he was away. And also thaaaank god for FaceTime.

I have the cutest boyf ever. (god bless the creators of FaceTime)

As I say this I am completely and utterly distressed at the thought of no facetime access when nic goies to NS and to make it worse it’ll be more longer than just 6 days. *crying in a corner already.

Obv completely fine with my boy abandoning me for the next week.

I look like i'm okay...

But really i wasn't.

But anyhu, it went by pretty quick, I had submissions so I pretty much just spent the whole week either working, lazing in bed editing or in school with my group mates.

 

Yay locvid editting is so much fun. yay. (ft Jireh my fellow perfectionist editor)

The weekend was pretty nice cos I went for a really nice lunch at JPOT@Vivo with my mom, goddddd I love this place. (probs bringing nic here)

After i went shopping with my mom but failed halfway cos she got really tired so I headed to town myself(yes I actually like shopping alone sometimes, its more detrimental to my bank acc but all around pretty damn therapeutic) got some really nice stuff on sale from F21, Zara and ofc topshop. And yaaaaaaaas GSS means shopping and I swear this season, I DID NOT disappoint. Spent soo much i need damage control.

Lovin my river island UV-protectant shades(some people neglect this and it's actually really important for your eyes' safety guys) and cranberry snapple, i have really stupid kidneys that constantly need detoxing so cranberries are a really good antioxidant plus my doctor recommended i drink as often as possible.

Damage done.

Cotton just loves trampling on the stuff i buy, 

i think it's his way of saying "fun you for leaving my all alone at home today mommy."

Monday I practically jumped outta bed cos I was excited that nic was gonna touch down soon. But first I got to caught up with my princess jay over brunch at this café in aljunied called backstage café. Its those kinda really big ass cafes that has an industrial-like feel to it.

I had Egg's Ben (whots new)

& jay had Egg's royale

The food was not bad(tbh I’ve tried better but the quality time with jay was more important) and I really liked that it was so big unlike a lot of cafes nowadays that are really tiny and have really long queues and waiting time (like Lola’s which by the way I STILL have not tried; probs the last person to try it)  But yay to a really nice catch up with my princess, missed her sooo much. Can’t wait for her to end A’s so we can go out more.

All the best for A's my dear princess. Studying hard and press on, Tino has faith in you ya. 

Much Loves, x

After that I rushed down t the airport cos my mom ws sweet enough to keep checking nic’s flight status and apparently they were supposed to touch down at 1:25 but touched down 20 minutes earlier so I basically fly down to the airport to try and catch them. I legit thought I might miss them but thaaaank god I managed to get there in time. Wanted to surprise nic but failed miserably he called me and was like I SAW YOU. That fag can spot me from a mile away I swear. Yup you can bet I practically fly into his arms, missed him soooo much. Hehe. The rest of the day I spent just lazing around and spending some quality time with him.

Brought cotton for walkies. 

In your arms is where i will stay forever. 

Till next time,

Tino x

Happy Birthday Baby.

Helloooo finally updating cos I’ve managed to find time to. Okay so a lil throw back but I really wanna post a dedication up for my boy and I was gonna blog about his birthday anyway.

So I actually planned this cutesy surprise for him and obv couldn’t do it by myself, *secretly enlisted the help of his family and friends, who were all thankfully veryyyy cooperative I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to plan a surprise with. So basically I really love planning birthday or any sort of events for my loved ones, especially surprise ones, so I was really excited to plan this for him. And it was apparently the first time he got to celebrate with anyone except for his family on the actual day cos his birthday falls on hols period and he is always away on vacay so he never got to celebrate it with anyone on the actual day before, but thankfully this year they let him stay in Singapore for his birthday before flying off to be with them, so it made it that much more special.

I planned it a little over a month ahead cos I had sooo many submissions and exams week was rolling around just before his birthday so I wanted to get everything done ahead.

I am generally reallyyyyyy bad at keeping surprises, like I can keep surprises but it always kills me inside and cos I planned his sooo advanced I was pretty much dead by the time his birthday rolled around. & what made it worse was his constant bugging me about what we were gonna do for his birthday, I gave him misleading clues and eventually told him we were going to sentosa(which was BARELY half the plan) Hahaha anyway on his actual day his fam were already away in Shanghai so it was just me and him. He had a match in the early afternoon so I slept over the night before and already packed my stuff over. Cos he sleeps like a fucken pig I packed is stuff for him while he was sleeping(you’ll know why I had to pack extra stuff for him later).

Melting in the heat while waiting for him to finish his match.

After the match we were driving to sentosa and he was all whiny about he cant drink much or even at all cos he has to drive back home and all. (hahahaha) then when we were just about reaching the sentosa gateway I told him the first surprise, that I had already booked a room like weeks ahead and that we were not going home so he could drink as much as he wanted. His reaction was priceless, he was like NO SHIT. NOOOOO SHIT. ARE YOU SERIOUS RN. Hahaha priceless.

Sad part of the surprise was that we had trouble checking in and all which was reallyyyy annoying. Buuuuut cos my dad knew the GM and all he filed a complain and somehow they extended our check out time by 4 hours AND upgraded us to a SUITE. WHOT EVEN. Nic and I were like well. We only wanted like a later check out but that works too. 

The room was really nice, we checked in really late so when we finally settled in it was late and I didn’t manage to get pictures cos I was running on a really tight schedule. So we headed out to dinner which he picked, had a feeling he’d pick Chili’s anyway. He was like a lil kid all excited to order the ribs and all. We absolutely loooooove Chili’s and on birthdays they give free brownies and it was really cute.

Such a Beauté.

Aaaaaand, my gluttonwong destroying the beauty.

Soooo cute.

After our super yumz dinner I whisked him back to the room and to change into beach attire and headed to the beach. I made him pick the place he wanted to go, BUT I already knew which beach club he would picked and booked a cabana AND even got his friends to come down and surprise him there. It was really cute cos we were just casually walking in and I was are you suuuuure you wanna go to Mambo? He was like yeahhh and I was like “obv I know you too well.” Then as we were walking in he saw one of his friends and his reaction was like hoooly shit is that kaizhong?! I didn’t actually plan out how the “surprise” part was gonna come out so I just smiled at him and nodded my head then we walked towards the cabana and he saw his other friends and was like holy shiiiiit it was so cute I couldn’t even. But yeah I managed to get 3 of his really close friends to come down cos a few of the others were either away on vacay or have NS which was really sad but I they all left cutesy greetings for him. We pretty much drank the night away it was reallyyy nice. AAAAND the cherry on top of the night, he got drunk. Hahaha I felt really bad cos I’d never seen him so badly drunk. He rolled into his 19^th birthday wasted, how nice.

Special thanks to Bryan, KaiZhong and Chuan for helping me make his birthday a success. Wouldn't have done it without you guys. 

my Mr.KO is 19. HAHA

When we woke up the next day he just kept apologising for the night before cos he was puking like every 5 mins and i had to keep cleaning up. (made him feel really horrible I'm sure) Then i showed him this video montage i'd made from lil cute greetings from his family member and some of his friends. He was "awwwww" all over the place it was super cute. 

too Precious.

We had DTF for breakfast, got back to the room, cuddled a little then went to check the hotel out a bit before packing up and leaving back home, the short stacay was really nice, I would’ve definitely loved to stay longer but he had a flight to catch the next day so that sucked slightly. 

Lovin this halter top from River island and these pair of cute daisy lounge shorts from primark. 

I really liked the concept of their pool. It was like a mini version of the MBS one.

We also had a really nice(pre-planned) birthday day with my parents cos they wanted to take I'm out for a nice meal. We went to Da Paolo, which my family and i absolutely love eating at. And os i knew he looooved the tiramisu cake there we ordered one for him. It was a really good meal. and great company. 

Absolute fav, their calamari.

First time trying their salad with foie gras, surprisingly goes really nicely together.

Crabmeat tagliatelle, loved it but was a bit too rich for my mom's liking.

ABSOLUTE FAVE. Their lobster Arrabiatta was amazing. 

Truffle mushroom pizza

My dad's monster of a steak burger.

Babe's mushroom risotto. I think it was really good, But babe was like "your risotto is still better" awwwww.

  

It was a really nice but short 2 day celebration But it was overall a success and I hoped he had a nice time!

Happy Birthday Baby, you are such a blessing and I hope you know that. Study hard and stop doubting yourself alright? I will always be here for you and i will always believe in you. I wish you all the love and happiness life has to offer. Here’s to spending many more Birthdays together. 

I love you.

-Your tinobino x

Fancy

I am not naked. i just have poorly-positioned hair. just sayin.

Hello Dearies, holy shit it's been too long. I admit i have been lazy af to upload and each time I come around to deciding i actually wanna update, i look at just how long it's been and how i totally fucked up on the whole "30-day challenge" thingy i just well. hmm how do you put this, log out.
But get this, i am not gonna go all "i promise to upload as often as i can/ i will even do a 30-day challenge to encourage myself to blog/ uploading cos i have to ugh" cos no. i realise it's the thought of obligating myself to blog that discourages me from actually sitting my ass down and starting on a post. So yeah, pretty much same blog, same person but a fresh start ya? I'll upload when i feel like it and hopefully, y'all still wanna read on about a day in the life of yours truly. x

Let's get this baby rollin with a Q&A ya?

i know there are some burning question y'all might have (or at least ones that have been festering away in my ask.fm)

#1 Where have you been? what have you been doing? (/are you attending private school?)

I have been mostly busy with school. and no contrary to popular belief, i did not go to private school, I'm currently doing my first year for a diploma in Mass Communications in Ngee Ann Polytechnic.

#2 Why have you suddenly decided to come back to blogging?

Hmm, like i said above, I've been on the fence about coming back to blogging for awhile now, i've just inca failed to find the motivation to really get committed to it. Yknow with balancing school and CCAs and being in a relationship, it's pretty hard to find the time to commit to anyth additional really. (& to be completely honest, it's hold now and my boy's away so i'm just takin the opportunity to start blogging again and see how it goes.

#3 How's life been?

Pretty vague question but yeah, life's been pretty good. School's definitely a lot less stressful compared to JC life, it is still extremely hectic, packed with assignments and submissions but i definitely can still find the time to just sit back and chill for a bit. Definitely enjoying poly a lot more than JC(altho i miss my JC peeps so fucken much i cant even). & well life's pretty much just been school, nic, friends family & heatwave. I've not really been doing anything else and i must say i kinda like this routine so far.

#4 How was your Europe trip?

It was meh. NO I'M SHITTING YOU IT WAS FUCKEN SICK. haha no promises but i might do a short post on how the trip went. (basically i love UK so much i have new-found motivation to study even harder and get my butt shipped ofta a media school in UK)

#5 Why are you suddenly into football?

Good question, i still ask myself that a lot cos like me and football just don't like clique, ever. but somehow after watching a live match in old trafford during my trip i was converted by mic & his cousin. they kinda just shared their love for football with me and it kinda just stuck. Haha no regrets actually, i never liked football or cared much for it cos i never really understood how it worked cos no one in my family watches football. but after i understood how the game works and got to know the players better(like 'know of' not 'know' duh) i realised that it's actually kinda cool and takes a lot of skills thus the new-found respect for the players & i just kinda really enjoy it a lot now. Plus now i don't have to fight with my boyf about him watching matches and ignoring me, i get to enjoy it with him. 

#6 Are you still with your boyf? Did y'all break up. 

 I won't say much cos honestly i believe in keeping my relationship between my boyf and i, but i will say this; couples fight, it's completely normal, but what matters most is that neither parties give up on each other and on the relationship. & yes, we are still happily together.

Soooo, those are just a couple questions that keep coming up hope i didn't completely bore you already. Thanks for reading and hopefully there'll be another post (u & i both trust me).

Much love, 

Tino xs