Human

Hello dearies. I swear i was gonna do a proper post like update post, but it's been a really nyeh day and honestly sometimes all a girl needs to do is to let out. if you don't feel like reading on honestly just come back another time ya?

So do you ever just feel really unmotivated, like don't get me wrong, being motivated and feeling motivated, to me, are actually pretty different. Like i am motivated af to study hard and get my ass shipped to UK already, but there are just days that you just sit there and think, what if i do all this, push myself so much and put in so much effort, all for nothing?

Like don't you ever just wonder how things are gonna turn out for you. Do you ever just suddenly realise that you're 2 years short of hitting the big 2s and you still feel like a kid? Like you don't have a direction in life yet, Like you think you know what you're doing and you're doing it right.

Then suddenly you hit a wall and realise, No, you don't know what you're doing and everything you've been doing is in fact, not right? I don't know, i'm not saying i feel like i've lost my way, I'm not quite that gone yet. But lately i've just felt as if everything i've done has been for nothing.

You know when you have assignments or shit that you should have put in time and effort to study for, but didn't bother to but end up getting satisfactory of surprisingly good grades? Well kudos to you if you have but honestly that has never happened to me. I either get grades i really deserve, or in most cases, i put in shit loads of time and effort and honestly expect to do a lot better, but ultimately get less-than-satisfactory and i'm quite sick of it.

I know it's stupid to complain about not getting the grades you thought you deserved and to get my ass off and do something about it, but what do you do when you alr did get your ass off and did try to do something about it. What do you do then?

People say to "fall 7 times and get up 8." What if sometimes you're just really tired and don't know how to find it in you to get up that 8th time. What if that final setback buried your self-confidence so deep it's almost as if it was never there. Most times you get up but what if that one time you're just too tired to.

I'm legit sorry if you had to read that and thank you for bothering to sit through that entire rant, i promise i'll do a proper one soon yes.

I also wanna just say that i actually know a lot of people who feel this ways and sometimes it's nice to know you aren't alone, so to whomever is reading this and feels the same, please know that you're not alone in this. It is natural to feel what you feel and please don't ever blame yourself for it.

I mean we're only human. 

-CelesteLTx